Bleak.

Most days are alright. Enjoyable, even. But then there's the odd day where my mind blows everything out of proportion and 'catastrophises' (in the words of my former counsellor) every thought I have. These bad spells can last from a few hours to the rest of the day, but I always feel better the morning after. I know I have many things to be thankful for... But sometimes it's hard to see past the clouds. I keep seeing it as a weakness - heck, I should be stronger. More steely. Better. I thought counselling would help, and it did, to a certain extent. I'm still coming to terms with the circumstances I am under, and reminding myself that things could be a lot worse is a small comfort. I struggle, though not every day. Far less than I used to, but I still berate myself for feeling like this on the odd occasion that I do. If you follow BBC Sherlock, you'll be familiar with this phrase: "All lives end, all hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock." Sometimes I feel like Mycroft Holmes was right. Someone suggested that I should "remember the happy things from before and look forward to more," and I need to keep that in mind. At the same time, I guess I need to ensure that my own happiness isn't being thrown out of the window. It's one big balancing act, really. And it's worth it. But that doesn't make it frustrating to have to deal with from time to time.